Speaking tips. Memorial.

MEMORIAL

If we are asked to deliver a funeral oration we are being paid a great compliment. It is one of the most final things that one person can do for another. It deserves the most careful preparation.

Think carefully about time. A lot of personal anecdotes and respect can be put into the five minutes or so which fits this speech. Longer is probably inappropriate.

You may want to quote instances of the dead person's.humour /generosity/ compassion/ spirit of adventure/family values. In preparation think about those qualities.

Which will you include, which will you omit? Can you link any of the topics to a mourner present?

You may decide to quote a verse. Some experts advise against this. But if the dead person had a favourite poem, consider telling it now. Perhaps just a short, carefully selected excerpt. There are only two considerations against: If you don't feel at ease reciting poetry and secondly if the verse has become hackneyed. There have been many moving poems written on the subject of death but some have become clichéd by overuse, especially if they have been included in films or television. Originality can be inspired by, for example, reference to Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet, a non-religious piece. (The sections 'Speak to us of 'Death' and 'Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow' can be sources of inspiration or quoted outright). They do not seem to have suffered from overuse.

Even more than weddings, funerals are emotion-charged and your listeners will be sympathetic to you. But as with any show of emotion, it is better to arouse the tears in your listeners than to shower the audience with the speaker's tears.

If your eyes mist up - so too will your spectacles if worn, and you may need to remove them. So write your notes large. Another reason for this attention to legibility is that often the lighting levels are low. Don't necessarily speak from behind the lectern, moving nearer to the coffin - at some point - may symbolically be more inclusive of the dead person.

All the usual rules of delivery apply just as much for this as any speech. Eye contact, audibility, and natural style, all are important. Avoid reading a prepared text. Listeners really do prefer and warm to the speaker who will trust his/her ability to deliver prepared notes, but in his or her words of the moment.

So, think of the qualities you want to highlight. Begin with your stories of the dead person. ("I knew John for twenty years. He had so many qualities but the three I remember / taught me the most......"). Then move into instances quoted to you by others, perhaps naming the people if they were important in his life. Alternatively you could begin with a brief word of the time/ geography/social world that he was born into, and the changes he saw in his lifetime. (A useful internet reference source is www. historychannel).

End with a brief word of the one quality you (or the congregation/friends/workmates) will miss or an incident you will always remember that made you smile. This at least keeps the sad occasion upbeat. If your final story links with any of the qualities you began with, this will make a circle of the speech, useful in any delivery and will signal a natural close.